Tales from an author

Alice’s Adventures in #Erotica

Alice cover 5Hello – well the first extract from my novel seemed to stimulate some interest in my Blog. Here is another piece, aimed at keeping up the enthusiasm. 

Alice paused, and the Walrus told her: “Yes we know about Nessie. She is definitely real. Over a thousand years old, and still going – still swimming the loch. She even found an underground channel, a few years back, and swam down from Loch Ness to our lake here in Wonderland, we now call it Loch Less. There is a committee trying to get us twinned with Newcastle, where they have Loch Geordie.”

The Mouse asked “How are you getting on now, my dear?” turning to Alice as it spoke.

“As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melancholy tone “it does not seem to dry me at all.”

“In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, “I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies. The best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.”

Alice asked to be reminded what a caucus was.

The Mouse said “We are still with politics, it is an inner group that tries to run a political party.”

Alice responded “I seem to recall it is different from a cactus.”

The Dodo intervened, “Ah….the caucus joke….almost as old as the time I supposedly became extinct.”

The Dodo then gave the floor back to the Mouse, who announced “A cactus has all the pricks on the outside”.

Alice, the Mouse, and the Dodo collapsed with laughter. The other assembled creatures looked confused, and felt excluded from the joke.

Alice mused to herself about a caucus. On one level, the pricks inside might be thought of as fools. On the other hand, there was something to be said for having a prick inside. Last week a rather handsome man, called John Thomas, had got his prick inside Alice, and she had certainly enjoyed that. A few minutes later she had invited him in again. Alice had met John at a party. The attraction had been mutual, and rapid. It was a very laid-back party at the house of a friend of a friend of Alice. John was also a friend of a friend, but a different set of friends. After they had sorted out who was who, Alice and John flirted, joked, and snogged. They went for a walk in the garden, and found that several of the party guests had gone for a late night swim in the pool. There was not actually much swimming being done, but there were a couple of couples doing some shagging. Alice and John stripped naked, and hopped into the pool. Alice said “I have never been fucked in a swimming pool, until now – I hope.”

“Me too” replied John, and he soon slipped his hard prick into her wet cunt.

After having sex in the pool, Alice and John made their way into the garden shed, where John – in response to an invitation – made his way into Alice again.

Alice remembered it had been a very good night. Perhaps the best since….

Rising from her reverie, Alice asked “What is a Caucus-race?” Not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo and Mouse had paused, as if they both thought that somebody / some other creature (delete as applicable when you can decide) ought to speak, and none of the others seemed inclined to say anything.

The Dodo said “The best way to explain it is to do it.” First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was no “One, two, three, and away,” but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out “The race is over!” and they all crowded round, asking who had won.

The Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought. It sat for a long time, while the rest waited in silence. At last, the diplomatic Dodo said, “everybody has won.”

Reverting to an earlier subject of discussion, the Mouse said that Alice could borrow the history book to read some more later.

Alice thanked him, but said the problem was “I do not have a handbag to put the book in.”

The Mouse put the book on an empty shelf. The shelf had just appeared – did it just arrive from nowhere? Yes it probably did, as when Alice looked again a moment later, there was another book there, entitled News From Nowhere.

Alice pondered the lack of a handbag. How would she carry things – if she collected any things (anything?) – around wherever it was that she now was? That is if she was to be here or there any longer? Alice had a think about the things she normally carried in her handbag. There was her purse, phone, make-up, tissues, and what else? Boiled sweets, sometimes. Well actually more common items might have been those things known as “women’s items.”

The Mouse asked Alice if she could make up a story or poem.

Alice hesitated, and then said “I think I made up a poem in my head earlier, but it was a bit of a muddle.”

In response to requests from several of her audience, Alice recited her poem:

Weaving a tapestry, the Lady of Shalott

Visions reflected through a glass onion

Catch a glimpse of a fair maiden

Her feet sore from bunions 

Fix your mind on something absurd

End of the poem, here is the last word



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